Week 3 // Meeting Agenda
Decompression Exercise (5 min)
This is one challenge that I want you to do each night this week before falling asleep. Our minds can be so cluttered and there can be so many issues “undone” from our days, and tensions that remain from our relationships.
If you feel like there are undone issues in your life each night, write a quick list and then write “I will be able to face these tomorrow with God’s help, with the people around me, and I will make a plan to work on these things” If your mind is at ease, no need to do this first step.
Secondly, listen to a version of Psalm 23 each night before falling asleep. You can simply use the Bible app to narrate your favorite version, or you can listen to a meditation on psalm 23 from YouTube, or find a favorite song version. (Shane and Shane have a beautiful one, and please share your suggestions!!)
Lastly, if sleep doesn’t come easily, your body will make it up and God designed our bodies incredibly, and he doesn’t want us fretting about not getting enough. Stressing about sleep does more damage, so find a way to feel peace while you are awake.
So before we start today, Tina will read Psalm 23, and just hold tight to whatever line Jesus speaks to you and consider even writing it down. Keep even just that one line at the front of your mind and keep coming back to it often, allowing it to infiltrate your thoughts, situations, and emotions.
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right path
for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.
Opening Statement
We commit to approaching ourselves and each other with love and understanding, void of condemnation or judgments.
We do not advise, but instead ask self-discovery questions. We understand that each struggle is a new opportunity to grow, change, and discover more about our own fears and past experiences.
We commit to being on time, commit to doing our own work, and understand that sharing vulnerably is key to our own success and our group’s success.
We let everyone experience whatever emotions they have and do not attempt to rescue each other from emotions of discomfort or pain. We encourage each other to listen to and lean into the pain instead of avoiding or masking it.
We keep everything we hear in group confidential so that we can feel completely free to share openly.
We use “I” statements and personalize, rather than generalize, what we learn.
Prayer
Ask God to bless the group, ask what we need of Him today, and to guide our insights, etc.
Appoint a Timekeeper
The timekeeper will divide each question’s time by the number of people sharing and set a timer on their phone for each person. They’ll give the person sharing a visible 1-minute warning.
Sharing Time (105 min)
Talk about last week’s risk and homework (10 min / 2 min each)
What did you risk telling someone that you are running from? Who did you choose, and how did it go?
Were you able to complete the homework?
(10 min / 2 min each)
(#1) Let’s take a look at yourself from a bird’s eye view. Or, if it helps, picture yourself just like in the movie “Inside Out”, like you are in the brain control tower looking at your core memories. (the things that have stored themselves in your limbic system). Reflect on some of your formational experiences and see how they relate to food, sex, physical or relational safety.
((Guys, number 1 here wasn’t supposed to be a question, but an intro to the question, so sorry, but please share what you reflected about! Sorry it’s so vague!))
(#2) Based on your self-evaluation from last week, what were your top 3 struggles? What do each of these struggles relate the most to: food, sex, or safety (relational or physical)?
(20 min / 4 min each)
(#3) Did anyone in your family (of origin) struggle in a similar way? How did that affect you?
(#4) Did you have any experiences of pain or shame around any of the above, especially early in life?
(#5) What did that experience teach you about the world? How did that affect you long term?
(10 min / 2 min each)
(#6) When has pain in your life driven you to make a hard change?
(#7) When has pain driven someone in your life to grow and become better?
(10 min / 2 min each)
(#8) What are some things that you do to escape, run from, or numb out pain in your life currently?
(#9) How adverse are you to physical pain?
(#10) What about emotional pain? Do you tend to face it or run from it?
(10 min / 2 min each)
(#11) What were you taught about emotions from your family of origin? Did your family model accepting emotions, or encourage squashing them?
(#12) What would you guess is your emotional depth this month? Why?
(#13) Where/when/with whom do I feel the most joy?
Bonus resource to help us consider our parenting:
Smart Family Podcast: Episode 032 // How Parenting Styles Create Shame
What Tangled teaches about Shame, why couples should ask each other about their families of origin when starting out together (apple) (spotify)
Self-Discovery Question Examples
The goal of asking these questions of each other is to help someone identify the underlying issue (the thing beneath the thing) and identify causes rather than symptoms. Behaviors are symptoms of emotions & beliefs that need to be addressed.
How is it affecting your behavior, thoughts, and emotions?
How is it affecting your relationships?
How does it keep you safe?
What is it protecting you from?
How does it give you power and control?
What would you experience in the moment if you didn’t do that?
What would it take to make this problem painful enough that would make it worth it to give it up?
Where does God fit into this problem? Where is He in these situations?
Who is someone you know that is healthy in this area that can understand and help you?
This Week’s Risk
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Next Week’s Reading & Reflection
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This Week’s Risk
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