Ground Rules
Five agreements that keep these conversations safe. Read the headlines out loud at the start of every conversation.
For these conversations to be as safe and helpful as possible, we need to talk about some ground rules. We're entering treacherous territory together, and that means we all need some assurances about what will and won't happen.
In fact, it's a great idea to start your conversation each week by reading each ground rule's headline — it's a helpful transition and it will set the right tone for a great conversation.
1. We will stay kind and curious.
No one wants to share hard stuff with someone that's disinterested, sarcastic, or condescending. Even if you're uncomfortable, a smile goes a long way. And genuine curiosity about someone's life and story is a gift in and of itself.
2. We won't advise each other or tie endless parallels to our own lives.
This comes from a good place… but advice always falls short when it's not asked for. And even then, it's still just a suggestion. Replace advice or examples from your own life with questions. Pull on each thread you hear so you can both discover more about your friend and what's going on another layer below the surface. It's not only more loving, but more effective as well.
3. We will commit to prioritizing these conversations, coming prepared with self-reflection work done, and being honest.
These conversations are about sharing the work you've already done — not just discussing the ideas or what we "think" of it all. So naturally, we have to respect each other's time and work by doing our own work so we are walking with each other — not dragging anyone along behind us.
4. We won't share what we hear elsewhere.
Every person's story is theirs alone to share. If it feels like there is an exception to this rule… there's not. Be grateful your friend has given you the gift of their honesty and don't throw it away.
5. We will work hard to use "I" statements and personalize, rather than generalize, what we are learning.
You might be surprised how often we process things in a general, theoretical, or hypothetical sense. When we do that, we take all the pressure off of ourselves — and that pressure is what forces the need and desire for real change. Don't take the heat off — if it doesn't end with personal processing, you're not there yet.
A quick disclaimer: The Done with Stuck Roadmap is not meant to replace therapy or mental health treatment, and should not be mistaken for it. If you are working with a counselor or therapist, this is a great companion to that work — not a substitute for it.