Action Step: Tangible Steps Toward Joy & Attachment

Option #1

Invite someone that you WANT a better relationship with to spend unstructured or "unplanned" time with you.

• Invite them to coffee or lunch
• Ask them to run an errand or two with you
• See if they want to come over in the afternoon on a weekend and just hang out, have some snacks, let the kids play, or whatever else makes sense

Make it something where the relationship is obviously the goal — OR something that's just normal life, but shared! You could even do something like invite someone to your kids' game, or invite yourself to THEIR kid's game!

Option #2

Attachment is most strongly formed in moments of high emotional charge.

If you've got someone in your life that has recently been through something really challenging — maybe higher than normal stress or grief or large scale change…

• Reach out and actually ask how they're doing
• Make sure it's a phone call, meeting, or a drop-by
• "Hold space" for them — just be present, validate everything you hear, and don't offer anything but your acknowledgment

Specifically say that you have been thinking about them a lot and you want to know how they're doing. Don't "make sure they're ok," or "see if I can do anything." Just show interest in their current emotional and mental state and let them share as much as they want.

THESE are the spaces in which relationships are most deeply formed — the highly charged moments of life where we most need secure relationships.

Option #3

Forbid screen time specifically in the presence of other people.

Because if you're looking at a screen you're not looking at people. Whenever someone enters your space, put your phone away. All the way away. Even if it's just for 10 seconds to listen and ask for a minute to finish something on your phone. Send the message that eye contact with them is more important than whatever is on that screen.

And as you do that, establish a new greeting ritual with friends, but also family. Make a big show of joy. Smile. Stand up. Walk over. Look them in the eye. Hug and a kiss (when appropriate…).

Muster some oompf and energy in your voice and speak joy loud and clear: "It's so good to see you." "I'm so glad you're here." Those words speak life right into someone's deep, deep joy circuitry.