Action Step: Tracking Your Emotions

Daily Emotion Tracking

Before we can effectively detach our negative emotions from the memories of past pain, we have to actually figure out what painful emotions we're avoiding. As Dr. Siegel says, we have to "name them to tame them," and that's what your action step is all about.

Download an emotions wheel to help you find the words — even if you consider yourself emotionally literate, this is still for you. It's just plain helpful for anyone, because it's tough to find words for our experiences, and for some of us it's straight up foreign.

At least once a day — maybe a few times if you want smaller chunks of time to review — look through the wheel and keep track of words that describe (or come close to describing) how you felt at some point in the day. Then pick the top two that felt strongest, or most negative, throughout the day.

Brené Brown, as well as every other social scientist out there, says there is a huge benefit to accurately articulating how we feel as we move through life:

"It's language that helps us name an experience — and that doesn't give the experience more power — it gives US the power of understanding and meaning."

So really work hard at articulating how you feel. Then walk through these four steps:

1. Name the emotion.
2. Notice the context. What triggered it? What was going on when it happened? Who was involved? Were there intrusive thoughts you were trying to avoid? How did you feel about yourself? What were you afraid of?
3. Identify your reaction — and do this without judgment. You might not be proud of how you reacted, but don't shame yourself. We are owning our part and gathering information, not condemning ourselves. Did you crave something in particular? Want to fight back or run away? Did your body go into stasis mode? Did you desperately start appeasing the person you were with to end the situation as quickly as possible? What was the result of your reaction?
4. Dig for dangerous memories. When have you felt this way in the past? You're trying to tie a string back through your memories to see the pattern of this emotional state in your life. The ultimate question you're trying to answer is: "When did it become so dangerous to feel this way?"

And as you do all this each day, tell God about it. Just tell Him how you felt today. Don't tell Him why, don't excuse it, don't justify it, don't apologize for it, and don't even ask Him to fix it. Just tell Him, because He cares.

Daily tracking format

• Today I felt:
• Big Emotion:
• Notice the Context:
• Identify your Reaction:
• Dig for Dangerous Memories: